Don’t Eat Off The Sidewalk!

So I cleaned my fridge last night. If 3 am on Wednesday counts as ‘last night’. A jar of molasses spilled in it, and it was just full of plastic containers with leftover tofu and the like. So I decided to just scrub the whole thing, and found what appeared to be a dried on trail of mushroom juice going all down the back. Ew. It’s ridiculously empty because a) Brian isn’t here, and b) I haven’t been to the store to buy anything besides lemons and syrup in two weeks. But it’s so shiny!

I’m going to leave it up to you to click through for the notes.

I cleaned the fridge!

See, there's food in there!

Freezer.

Another person came to my door selling stuff. Cleaner. I’ve decided that if they’re going to waste my time, i’m going to waste theirs. So I let him do his schpiel and then deflected every attempt to get me to hand $45 over to a perfect stranger for a years supply of cleaner. Then I sunk his dreams of selling lots of cleaner that day by pointing towards the trailer park down the road (I don’t live in a bad neighborhood and it’s pretty quiet minus the barking dogs behind us, but people who live in trailers aren’t going to buy $45 worth of anything). Then I sent him on his way. It’s been awhile since I crushed a soul, it felt good. Okay, I did feel a little bad for him because he’s just a lackey who gets dropped off in a van in a random neighborhood and only gets commission. Why can’t someone come to my door selling vegan cookies?

Then I went tanning. Before anyone goes ‘wtf’, I have this skin condition called eczema. My skin itches and peels and it sucks balls. It’s mostly on my hands, but in the past year or two i’ve developed a patch on the bottom of one foot, and I think on my scalp. I mean, I assume that’s why my head itches so much that I end up with scabs every few months. Anyway, through the wonders of veganism and a serious dependency on moisturizers, it’s a lot better than it used to be. But for some reason it gets worse in the summer, and my skin begins to peel again. By the way, this isn’t like a sunburn, with a thin layer of skin. No, the layers can be pretty thick, and it can freaking hurt. Sometimes, it even bleeds. I’m just clarifying because some people still think that i’m going tanning as some sort of wacky vanity. I hate tanning. One, i’m really pale so if I don’t go regularly, I will burn every time. Which means i’ll be going twice a week. Two, I accidentally bought lotion with a bronzer in it, which ends up dyeing my finger pits brown. Three, the lotion smells funny. Four, the lotion dries my hands out so I have to put on lotion on every ten minutes for the rest of the day.

It is sort of relaxing though. They pump top 40 radio through the place and if I can get a bed with a fan, I don’t feel like a piece of broiled tofu. That didn’t happen today, and I was only in there for eight minutes, but I could feel my face frying shortly before I got out. I walked out of there with a bright red face (it fades pretty fast though). Then I got home and realized that I left my wedding ring in the room. So I had to zoom back and get it.

I think next time i’m just going to take aloe vera gel with me. No smell, no streaks, no dry hands. Everyone wins. I was just using the bronzer out of the principle that I paid for it.

Then I went to Kroger to get veggie dogs. I’m going to make corn dogs soley for the purpose of freezing them. I might be tempted to eat one, but i’m pretty sure that would make me incredibly sick, so I think I can resist. I’m also going to make samosas and whatever else I can think of that will freeze well. I’m trying to stock up for lunches for Brian since gas is so freaking high, so he doesn’t have to come home for lunch or eat fast food.

Then Brian called me, and I was the dick in the checkout lane and driving on my cell phone. He’s not allowed to have a cell phone so he has to sneak in calls to me, so they only come every few days. So I was okay with looking like a dick.
I’ll leave you with a picture of Chester and his amazingly expressive face.

posted: 07 June 7
under: animals, life, pictures

  • andria

    Chester looks like a young pup here!

  • that is about what my fridge looks like right now, the day before the farmer’s market…only I, uh, haven’t scrubbed out the fridge in months. ew. Maybe today? Probably not.

    Your dog is awesome, btw.

  • mommy

    Damn! When you come over – will you clean out MY refrigerator? That looks awesome! BTW Farmers Market is open now for the season.