» The best revenge, is living your life. Don’t Eat Off The Sidewalk!

The best revenge, is living your life.

So, I have an internet stalker.  She’s the ex-girlfriend of one of my friends.  We’ve never met.  I wouldn’t call her a troll because she doesn’t try to fuck with my life, but apparently she finds me REALLY interesting, as she’s come across me on several different sites.  She’s probably going to read this.  The most annoying thing though, is she spreads like poison.  She had the gall to copy all of Amanda’s drawings from her art blog, post them to flickr, and claim them as her own.  I should also note, that happened last year.  You would think she’d move on out of pure embarrassment at doing something that a thirteen-year-old girl would do.

Obviously, this makes me annoyed and angry.  I spent a lot of time this morning giving into this anger, I even contacted her husband to let him know what was going on (although I really don’t expect a response, and I realize he probably won’t believe me).  But I was feeling really evil and that didn’t feel like enough.  I mean, I know her name.  I know what city she lives in.  I was really tempted to pay $2 to one of those address sites just so I could mail her the most cheerful fucking postcard I could find.  I could post her facebook, twitter, flickr, and all other accounts right here and publicly shame her.  I could try to get someone to troll her.

But I won’t, for two reasons.

One, I was talking to a friend about this, who has been a cam girl for ten years, who gets trolled hardcore.  She has a few people who literally spend hours of their week making up fake twitters about her, emailing her, telling her she’s a lousy person, etc.  And she manages to live with all of that crap, so I think I can live with one grown woman looking at my pictures online.

Two, and I know this is a trite response, but I have a life.  My life isn’t perfect or ideal, but my life is also not so empty that I need to spend time dwelling on this.   This afternoon, I was out trying to wrangle my garden into submission, and I stopped getting pissed at her and started getting pissed at myself for wasting the entire morning worrying about how to deal with someone who really, is not doing anything TO me.  The only person she’s really affecting is herself.  I mean, i’m sure that she also could be doing other things besides following me around on the internet, and if she would rather do that than live her own life, that’s really not my problem.

Another option would be for me to lock down all of my internet accounts to private so she doesn’t have anything to look at, but you know what?  That’s still letting someone else dictate how I live my life.  I’ve been on the internet since 1995, and so far i’ve gotten by just fine.

posted: 10 July 22
under: life

  • I had something like this happen on FB. Some random acquaintance of my friend liked some comment I made, friended me, and then proceeded to be a complete freak. I’ll spare you the complete version, but the upshot was that she was the reincarnation of Scarlett O’Hara, with a husband who hunts, has never cooked a meal or done a load of laundry in 24 years of marriage, “doesn’t talk much and gets mean when he’s hungry,” and 3 teen-aged sons, pictures of whom with the DEAD BUCKS and other critters they’ve shot are prominently featured in her FB album entitled “my babies” (they also have a dog named Rebel Yell, and she is “proud” of her plantation-and-slave-owning ancestors). After she posted several offensively right-wing, borderline racist things on my wall, I defriended, after which she complained to my (real) friend, asked “what she’d done wrong,” and started PMing me & sending requests, so I finally blocked her. These things will happen.

  • here is a story for you: three years ago, someone registered an account on flickr with my avatar and a username so similar to mine that, when highlighted, looked exactly like mine. then they went to all of my friends’ flickr pages, left comments on their pictures that were Just Rude Enough that said person would be slightly insulted, but not insulted enough to contact me. then this person would delete the comments after a day or so to make sure i never saw them. this went on for a few months, while a lot of my friends and acquaintances became progressively more annoyed with me, until finally one of them confronted me, and we figured it out. i still to this day don’t know who did it. some people fucking suck and you just have to decide that they are pathetic and you are better than that, which it seems you’re already on the way to doing. mazel tov!

  • Kim

    Yes, I think the second thing is the thing to do. The internet is not real life. Facebook, Twitter, Flickr… not really that important.

  • Vic

    Weird. That is creepy. Good luck.

  • Ugh, I’m sorry to hear that. I don’t understand why people will behave online in a way they would never behave in real life. Thank you for not making your internet life private, though; I love your blog!

  • Joanna – I think I remember when that happened! You probably offended that person with your hair color or book writing or what cd you were listening to that week.

    Kim – See, that’s the thing. While the internet is not a tangible thing, there is a real person behind every computer. If I got on facebook and insulted one of my real life friends, I don’t think they’d just shrug it off because of the medium I used to insult them.

    Also, thinking that the internet can’t affect your real life is how an 11-year-old girl ended up getting trolled by 4chan:

    http://gawker.com/5589103/how-the-internet-beat-up-an-11+year+old-girl

  • I admire you way of thinking! That would be hard to deal with for sure, although practicing lletting it not get to you is the best way to go about it. I have the same thing, only with my boyfriend’s brother’s ex gf… They have been broken up over a year and constantly tries to contact me. I have no less than 14 numbers fo rher blocked in my phone and she managed to text me a few days ago. But she is not stealing my work or posting untrues things, she just shows up in my driveway and sits for a couple hours until I get off work… Just wanting to hang out!
    I KNOW YOUR FRUSTRATION!

    Hnag in there and keep ‘forgetting’ she is out there creeping. Best of luck!

  • Uh, Lizzie, that’s WAY creepier. If anyone hung out in front of my house for three hours and called me constantly, i’d get a restraining order.

  • First off, I really like your blog. I am sad to hear you had to deal with this perosn. I have a person like that in my life. She is a former friend who is one crazy B. She reads everyone of my blog posts as though it were scripture. Has had her husband call my husband snidely commenting about my blog and why I was not able to attend a social event that she knows the same person in our social circle. At first I started to get really pissed, but I know how miserable of a person she is and now I laugh because she reads the joy I have in my life and she is still miserable. She sucks and I don’t care. I am so over it.

    I hope you have a great week.

  • That is understandable that money makes people autonomous. But how to act if someone doesn’t have cash? The one way only is to try to get the loan or just consolidation loan.