» Warning: this post includes unhappiness and morbid talk. Don’t Eat Off The Sidewalk!

Warning: this post includes unhappiness and morbid talk.

I’m closing the comments on this entry because while I appreciate everyone who took the time to comment, at this point I would rather not have the comments pop up in my inbox.  I’m starting to heal a little bit and the reminder is like a tiny jab in the heart.  If you were going to leave a comment, know that the thought is enough.

Hey guys, i’m sorry to make such a downer post on the start of the holiday weekend, but I want to get this out and over with.  I also wanted to make this as a post on my website so I can link to it and not have to repost it all over the internet.

There’s no funny way for me to say this, so:

Tonight while my father-in-law was out walking my dogs, a big dog ran up and attacked Bonny.  She was killed pretty much instantly.  I wasn’t up to grilling my father-in-law for every last detail, but the dog was being chased by its owners, and my father-in-law turned around as he heard them yelling, right as the dog got to Bonny.  I don’t blame the owners of the dog per se, but animal control will still be called in the morning because any dog that kills another dog needs to be investigated.  I couldn’t live with the idea that this dog might harm another dog in the future.  Chester has a problem with children and some males, and my greatest fear is that we will enter a situation where I can’t control him, he will bite somebody, and then I will lose him (an example would be when people let their children run up to him in the park, I start backing away with him pulled behind me and chant ‘he bites’ until they run after their kids).  I’m rambling already.

I don’t think I need to express in words how much Bonny was loved.  The real pain is that her death was unfair and sudden and utter bullshit.  Chester is almost 11ish, Fatty is 15.  I have elderly animals and I expect to come home one day and find them dead.  Even though Bonny is a small dog and we’ve had to snatch her up a few times because of bigger dogs, we weren’t ready for this.  Not that anyone is, but you know what I mean.

Still, I am one of those people who really does believe that it’s better to have loved and lost.  Some people immediately declare that they will never get another dog/cat again because it hurts too much to let go.  Not me.  I loved Bonny, I am glad that we got 3 1/2 years with her, and someday we will meet another dog who belongs with us like Bonny did.  Not anytime soon, but someday.

If you haven’t followed my site for long and haven’t heard me talk about her, let me tell you a little bit about Bonny.  She was born with an eye that didn’t produce tears, initially we medicated it three times a day, but after a year and a half, the eye was removed surgically.  We’re pretty sure that she had no vision in it originally, so having one eye was no big thing for Bonny.  She had no depth perception which meant she would sometimes jump off of the dining room table, but other than that, she was fine.  When people would ask me how much I paid for her since she was a yorkie, I would usually say that I got her for free because she was defective.  She had huge ears that stood up and the longest tongue, and she licked without prejudice.  The only people who didn’t like her are the ones who don’t appreciate dog spit.  I often got compliments/stares when we went to the park, and most people didn’t know she only had one eye until I said something.  She heard me say ‘bad kitty’ to the cats so often that she would run up and bark at them if they scratched at the furniture.  She wasn’t as smart as Chester, but she was still very clever.  She was obsessed with toys, and even if you buried her toy in the couch, she would go apeshit until she had it in her mouth again so she could hit you with it.  She had such a big mouth that she could fit a whole tennis ball in it.  I could go on forever.

Thanks to everyone who loved Bonny, if only virtually.

I’m going to get morbid after these cute pictures.  If that makes you uncomfortable, I understand, and you’re free to stop reading here.

This is actually the first pet death i’ve dealt with that involves me actually seeing them.  Like I said, Fatty is 15, she was my first cat.  All of my parents dogs got hit by cars or ran away, I never saw them.  I had a cat named Wonder Mutt who got (most likely) eaten by a coyote, I just never saw him again. When my father-in-law first brought her to me, I just…looked at her.  He was apologizing because he felt at fault since he was walking her, and I just kept telling him it was okay.  I kept touching her ears and her face and hoping she would wake up.  She didn’t have any visible blood (I didn’t realize at the time that she had a little, but it was on the side touching me) so she just looked asleep.  I took me a good five minutes before I started to really cry.  Brian was out at a movie so his phone was off, so we put her on a towel in a box and waited for him to come home.  It was the longest 30 minutes of my life.  I went between staring out of the front door and going back to the dining room to pet her.  I couldn’t stop touching her.  She felt too warm to me, which wasn’t helping my irrational thought that she would wake up.

Brian had a similar initial reaction that I did, but if he wants to go into details of his thoughts and feelings that’s up to him.

We buried her next to a bush in the garden in the snow.  Bonny hates the snow and cold and I kind of lost it when Brian was digging the hole.  I tried really hard to fight it so I wouldn’t have a panic attack.  Even though I know that Bonny is gone and we were just burying her body, I felt like an asshole for putting her in the cold.  I feel like an asshole for letting my dog down.  I feel like an asshole for letting Brian down.  I feel like an asshole for unloading all of this on the internet and burdening my readers with my emotions.  Some people spill their feelings at the drop of a hat, I don’t, so this is weird for me to do.  I use humor to deal, so i’ve already made jokes about how much will save on dog food (Bonny obviously didn’t eat much), how no one better get me a puppy for Christmas, how there is now no one to keep the cats in line when I yell ‘bad kitty’.

posted: 10 December 24
under: animals, family, life, pictures

47 Responses to “Warning: this post includes unhappiness and morbid talk.”

  1. Mahal says:

    Oh, no, I am so sorry. It’s one of the worst things to lose a pet – they’re not people but they are family.

  2. Lauren says:

    Katie, I am so sorry for your loss. My heart is absolutely breakin for you. You gave Bonny an amazing life full of love and I know she is smiling down on you from doggie heaven. You will all be in my thoughts.

  3. Jojo says:

    I don’t really know what to say except that I’m SO SO sorry. Dealing with the loss of a companion whether they’re furry or not is incredibly difficult & I’m so sorry this happened under such tragic circumstances. I’ll be thinking of you & sending virtual hugs, Jojo.

  4. celine says:

    I am so very, very sad for you, Katie. lots of good thoughts, vibes, hugs and whatever else you may need.

  5. Christina says:

    I’m so very sorry for your loss… and I’m so sorry your precious love had to pass in this way. My thoughts, positive vibes, and heart are with you.

  6. Crystal says:

    I’m so sorry you are going through this. It’s really heartbreaking and unfair. Bonny was so incredibly loved. Take care.

  7. Anna says:

    such a shit thing to happen, random death is the worst to deal with because there is just no sense in it. My heart goes out to your Father In Law too. Thinking of you, not much else I can say…

  8. Dimitra says:

    I am really sorry for your loss 🙁

  9. Kelly says:

    My heart is breaking for you. I’m so sorry you lost her and so sorry you have to go through this. She was so lucky to have you.

  10. Fanny says:

    I’m sorry for your loss. It’s a horrible experience to lose a family member. I’m sure she had a lovely life with you and I just wanna give you a huge hug.

  11. I’m so sorry! 🙁 That pic of her asleep with the kitty arm draped over her is so cute!

  12. Mommy says:

    I wish I could give you a big hug & cry together. I wish I could hug Frank & cry with him, too. I wish we weren’t so estranged. I wish my Bonny Beesly was still here. Lots of wishes …… lots of sadness. I’m so sorry, swseetheart…… I love you.

  13. McTaggard says:

    I am sorry for your loss. You should blame the owers of the other pet. If they had raised their animal right and controlled him properly this would never have happened. It’s not fair when someone, anyone is torn away from you in such a brutal fashion. Please know that your sorrow is shared.

  14. Brittany says:

    Baby girl, I am so sorry to hear this! I loved your pictures and updates about this cute little pup and seeing her one little eye peeking out always warmed my heart. What a truly terrible thing, though I must say that I’m thankful you didn’t have to witness it first hand. Please keep your chin up and know that I’ll be thinking about you <3

  15. Epidiah Ravachol says:

    So horrible. You have my deepest condolences.

  16. Blake says:


    I'm so sorry.

  17. Joan says:

    Katie, I am sorry for your loss. Bonnie had a great life with you. I know there aren’t really words for this but know much comfort is sent your way. Hugs

  18. Michael says:

    I am so, so sorry.

  19. Lily says:

    I am, so, so sorry for your loss. I’ve been following your blog for a while (since you adopted Bonny) and you and Brian gave her such a great, fantastic life. It’s such a tragedy that she was lost like this and my heart goes out to you and your family during this difficult time.

  20. Lisa says:

    My heart is breaking for you, I’m so sorry.

  21. Chris says:

    So sorry. R.I.P. Bonny.

  22. Rachel (tofulish) says:

    I am so sorry for your loss. We’ve gotten to love Bonny over the years, from the first posts about how you adopted her, and seeing these beautiful pictures is a reminder of how loved she was and what a great little dog she was. It is horribly unfair that this happened to her and to you.

  23. b.a.d says:

    Katie this is so seriously unfair and such a terrible thing to have to endure. My thoughts are with you, brian, chester, fatty and the rest of your family. Bonny will be sorely missed, let me know if you guys need anything at all.

  24. sunny says:

    Omg I am so so deeply sorry for your loss

  25. I am so sorry for your loss.

  26. supercarrot says:

    🙁 i’m so sorry for your loss.

    i have never seen a pet after they’ve departed, so i can’t imagine the heartbreak. {hugs to everyone} RIP bonny.

  27. BT says:

    I’m so sorry.

  28. Michelle says:

    I am so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you and yours.

  29. Lachesis says:

    This made me cry. I’m so sorry for your loss and the pain you guys must be in. This is just so sad. 🙁

  30. Michele says:

    So sad to read this! I am so sorry!

  31. Isa says:

    This is heartbreaking. Bonnie was the best recipe tester and the sweetest doggy. Love to you and Brian!

  32. Liz Wyman says:

    I am not much of a dog person but we had to have our beloved cat put down this year so I do know exactly how you feel. Feel comforted that you gave her an amazing life. I am so sorry, much love to you both xxx

  33. KT says:

    From one Katie to another: I am so incredibly sorry. There’s no way to prepare yourself for sudden tragedies like these, although it sounds like you have many people who care about you and Bonny who will see you through this – as well as your blog family. I’ll leave you with a quote:

    “Dogs aren’t our whole lives, but they make our lives whole.”


  34. Marty says:

    I know what you mean about dog spit. I’m sorry about Bonny. You convey so well the meaning of having her in your life. I know what you mean about that too. I wouldn’t trade knowing our dog for anything. You are right, there is another dog being somewhere who at sometime will come into your life and put a whole slew of smiles on your faces.


  35. Susan says:

    From the bottom of my heart, I am so, so sorry.

  36. Terry says:

    Beautifully written and heartfelt. I’m really sorry, Bonny looks like she was such a sweetie.

  37. Chris says:

    My deepest condolences to you… I know the experience also. It was the night just before my birthday- I was walking Jill, around midnight- and 2 free running boxers attacked Jill 🙁
    She had a stroke, could not walk, eat, nor hold her head up..for 2 weeks her life was in danger, she did pull through, but is now totally deaf and has trouble walking. There is a leash law, but people “think it’s not necessary for them”, because “they have their dogs under control”- NOT! People, please keep your dogs on a leash
    It is devastating….! I feel for your loss….
    Most sincerely

  38. Shannon says:

    I’m so very sorry. I know how hard it is to lose a furry family member. Please know that all of your readers are thinking of you and Bonny.

  39. Jilly says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Goodbye Bonny.

  40. Mo says:

    Oh Katie. I’m so so sorry this happened. My condolences to you and Brian. Don’t beat yourself up about it because there was nothing you could do. A similar thing happened to our cat about 3 years ago. The guilt is always the worst.

    I’m wishing y’all brighter days. RIP Bonny. <3

  41. Serena says:

    I just came across your blog for advice on coming out as a teenage vegan. I am so sorry for your loss of Bonny. I have a dog that’s only a little larger than Bonny, and one day she was attacked by a large husky who took a chunk out of her ear. I hope it helps to know that a stranger can relate even if it’s in a small way. Bonny is a lucky dog to have had you love her.

  42. Sharron says:

    I am so sorry for what has happened to your family and for the death of your sweet Bonny. I just read your blog and was so saddened. I don’t think you are morbid at all but rather just grieving. I have lost multiple pets throughout my life. I always had cats as a child but my parents didn’t believe in veterinarian care and a few got sick and died in my arms. One I remember from when I was just 8 years old and I was desparately trying to save her. When I became an adult I took my cats and then dogs to a vet but some have had illness, others old age. It never gets any easier. They all become a part of your family and those feelings you have of grief, anger, sadness, whatever you are feeling are all normal and okay. I am thinking of you and your family and only wishing you the best.

  43. Liza Vegan says:

    I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. I can relate to your guilt, but I know it is undeserved. Your love for Bonny is clear. This is a devastating loss and I hope you soon find peace in your heart. Thank you for sharing the beautiful pictures of your lovely friend. xoxo Lisa

  44. […] here is the funny thing about 2011. I spent the first three months in a solid depression over Bonny, sleeping about four hours a night on average. I spent most of my summer inside, watching t.v., […]