» VeganMoFo: Showgirls Don’t Eat Off The Sidewalk!

VeganMoFo: Showgirls

 

Robert Davi, the opera singing Fratelli brother,  has had a long and illustrious career.  And then he also did Showgirls.

 

Showgirls is one of the accidentally greatest movies EVER MADE.  EVER.  It has a cult following, especially in the gay community.  One of the more notable adaptations is Show Girls In Drag, which stars Willam and Detox from Rupaul’s Drag Race.  There was also an off-broadway musical.  Why?  Because Showgirls is so bad, on every level from the writing to the acting, that it is absolutely hilarious.  On top of the badness, it had a huge budget, the director of Robocop, and some pretty well-known faces in the cast.  Everyone involved thought they were making an amazing movie, right up until it flopped hard.

Nomi hitches a ride to Vegas in pursuit of her dreams of becoming a dancer – and the first person she meets steals her suitcase.  The second person she meets, however, lets her move into her trailer and she does get a job as a dancer, of the private variety.  And wouldn’t you know it, her roommate is the seamstress for the big show at The Stardust!  I’ll bet that’s going to come in handy but in a very roundabout way.

Eventually, Nomi makes her way out of the strip club and onto the big stage, with help and simultaneous interference from the lead, Cristal.  Cristal Connors is like the Ghost of Bitchmas Future to Nomi, showing up to dispense wisdom, snort coke, call everyone darlin’, and make sexual advances while putting Nomi down and really messing with her life.  Over the course of the movie we learn that Cristal and Nomi have pretty much an identical past and identical methods of pushing their way to the top.  Can Nomi out-bitch Cristal and take her spot, though?

By far, the most ridiculous and hilarious scene in Showgirls is the pool sex scene where it appears that someone might be tasering Elizabeth Berkley from off camera.  I showed this movie to my friend Robie once and she laughed so hard, it made me laugh harder and I fell off the couch, and after we were able to breathe we rewound it and watched it again.  Here’s a little animated (obviously NSFW) .gif of the scene, you can tell that Kyle MacLachlan is really having a hard time holding onto her.  Not to mention that the waterfall is going right into her face.  I can only assume this was choreographed by the wet dream of a 13-year-old boy.

I’ve never seen Showgirls 2, but here’s a review written by someone who loves Showgirls just as much as I do.

(P.S. If you do decide to watch this movie, fair warning that there is a violent rape scene in it.)

Starring Elizabeth Berkley (Saved By the Bell, she’s so excited), Gina Gershon (Bound, Rescue Me), Kyle MacLachlan (Twin Peaks, Portlandia), Glenn Plummer (Sons of Anarchy, ER), Alan Rachins (Dharma and Greg, L.A. Law), and Gina Ravera (The Closer, ER).

Onto our menu, which is free of any puns related to bare breasts!

Entree:  Who says you can’t have a burger AND brown rice and vegetables?

Side:  I’ve never heard Caesar sing, but I have been to The Forum before (I did not buy a dress at Ver-sayce with lap dance money).

Dessert:  Sad fact time, I have lived and breathed on this earth, in the midwest even, for 32 years and I have never had puppy chow.

Cocktail:  I don’t usually include drinks, but if you drink alcohol will probably improve your enjoyment of this movie tremendously, so have a sexy, wet, Tornado.

 

posted: 13 September 19
under: veganmofo

7 Responses to “VeganMoFo: Showgirls”

  1. This is one of those movies I thanked my ex-husband for dragging me to. So over the top fun that I just pretend it didn’t have a sequel, because one was more than enough. Also, it was totally worth it just to see Kyle MacLachlan taking himself so seriously in this movie!

  2. sendmorecops says:

    Everyone took themselves so seriously, that’s part of the reason why it’s so laughable. They were all like, “WE ARE MAKING ART.”

  3. […] you can laugh at the whole way through. Reading Don’t Eat Off the Sidewalk’s recap of Showgirls in her dinner and a movie post reminded me that I don’t even have to make people come over to […]

  4. I tried to like it. I’m more of a Staying Alive person.

  5. sendmorecops says:

    I have never met a straight man who actually likes Showgirls. I think it’s because they like their near-constant barrage of bare breasts to come with a lot less talking.

  6. veganchai says:

    i’ve never seen it! maybe it needs to go on the ol’ netflix queue.

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