» family Don’t Eat Off The Sidewalk!

Food to make enemies with.

Hey dudes!  I’m dipping my toes back into blogging, after a very hectic last couple of weeks with moving.  The good news is that i’m no longer in Tennessee, the bad news is that the lack of selling our house means that while my husband is starting school, the animals and myself are mooching room and board off of my father-in-law (staying in Tennessee was not an option).  Two people, five dogs, four cats, one house.  Luckily, Chester is the only boy dog and they’re all either too old or too shy to be dicks, so everyone is settling in nicely (though the cats took a little longer to adjust).  Including my farts.

The very first dinner I made for myself here was based on the fact that I wanted buttery, noochy pasta, chickpeas, and broccoli all at once.  After the past few days of living off of take out and gas station snacks, it was a welcome change of pace.  But unless you’re trying to offend everyone around you, I don’t recommend this combination.  Eating this almost got me thrown out of a moving vehicle, and the fart in question happened before I even got in the car. It was like I had found the magical combination to quickly generate the rankest farts ever.  It certainly wasn’t just the beans, I ate chana masala for three meals in a row and i’ve barely made a toot.

So there you have it, the secret to becoming a walking chemical weapon.

P.S.  Didn’t you miss my insightful posts?

posted: January 21, 2010
under: family, food, life, pictures

…and a new one just begun.

Reflection post ala last year.

Um.  It was a long year?

Okay, maybe not so much reflecting. Brian came home at the beginning of November and he’s had to work very little so i’ve been spending a lot of time with him.  Obviously.  I went to see Joan Jett and Huey Lewis in August, that was pretty amazing.  Bonny got her eye removed in July.  I went to the only wedding where i’m ever going to get a vegan meal (but that’s okay, because I don’t anticipate going to a lot of weddings).  Other than that everything is pretty much a blur.  Oh, except my dog summer.  I had two foster dogs for a few months, so I had four dogs and three cats up in this piece.  I tried keeping them outside as much as I could, but it was mostly too hot, plus I got lazy, plus they were digging holes under the fence and one time Bonny got out with them and I nearly shat myself.  So most of my summer involved me waking up at six am to let dogs out, then taking a blanket to the couch, while they jumped all over me for awhile, and then falling back asleep with all four dogs on me if I laid right.

I miss them lots and it hurts to look at pictures of them.

Pushing Daisies got cancelled, causing my faith in humanity to shrivel up and die a little more.  If Fox can keep Dollhouse on the air for a little bit, it might come back.

I did not drink soda for the entire year.  I also got my hair matched to my roots and didn’t dye it any funky colors for the whole year so I wouldn’t have to bleach it annd chop it off.  I drank a Dr. Pepper on New Years Eve, which was delicious.  I woke up today feeling horrible.  My next soda will be another Dr. Pepper in 364 days.  I’m going to get my hair lightened soon.  I was born blonde and I will die blonde, dammit.

And then I bought a lot of music.  A LOT.  I got a zune and stopped buying cds because I already have a crazy dvd collection, and digital music is almost half the price of a tangible cd.  Also, Amazon MP3 has daily deals and weekly specials where you gets albums for five bucks and under.  It’s a sick addiction, I actually have a folder of bookmarked albums to buy because if I bought all of the ones I wanted we would be eating buttered noodles and wonder bread for dinner.  I’d have to send Bonny out front to sell lemonade (it’s really just her peeing in a cup, shhhh).

It took me forever to make that little music collage!  I also made you a mixtape of individual songs that I listened to a lot this year.  You should listen to it and admire the amazing artwork that I made with google images and photoshop.

In conclusion, 2008 was a year of nothing much except music.  2009 will hopefully be more interesting and deployment free.

posted: January 2, 2009
under: animals, family, life, music, pictures

We interrupt this website to get serious for a moment.

So i’ve been trying to figure out why I shouldn’t vote for Obama.  Luckily, I have the american people, the real salt of the earth, to tell me why.  Here’s what ive learned:

  • Obama is a terrorist.  Which really means, he’s black but we can’t say that because it’s racist, so we’ll just call him a terrorist instead of using the racial slur of choice.
  • He’s too smart.  He pronounces words correctly.  I want someone who is as stupid as I am.
    He caused the current financial crisis.
    Did I mention that he’s a terrorist?
    He wants to raise taxes!  It doesn’t matter if it’s only for rich people, it’s horrible and unamerican!  Fuck the poor, they should get off of welfare and just get jobs already.  During this economic crisis where people are being laid off.

On the flipside, i’ve been trying to find out why I should vote for Sarah Palin.  Because as a woman, the choice isn’t between Obama and McCain anymore.  No sir.  Here’s what i’ve gotten for that:

  • She’s a woman!  I’m a woman!
  • She’s middle class!  I’m middle class!  No, it doesn’t matter that we’re on opposite ends of it!
  • She says things like ‘heck’ and ‘gosh darn’, she don’t need to speak properly when she’s just talkin’ to her feller Americans!  It’s super cute.
  • The media just makes her look bad, with their asking of questions without prepping her in advance and fact checking.
  • She’s pretty.
  • She has five kids!  Wow!
  • Her son went to Iraq!  So did Joe Biden’s, but fuck him!  Her son is fighting for our right to the first amendment.  I hope we win in Iraq or our rights are going straight out the door.

Honestly, I am pretty appalled and embarassed by that video above.  I know that there’s idiots everywhere and that they do not speak for the nominees, but I don’t think I want to be in the same group that yells ‘commie fags’ and tells a guy that his friend should’ve paid double for her rape kit, when he asks the crowd what they think of Sarah Palin signing off on making rape victims in Alaska pay for their own rape kits.  You can make fun of the way she talks or how she can’t seem to answer a single question that she hasn’t prepared for, but as someone who had to go through sexual assault more than once, I cannot tell you how sick that makes me.  It’s hard enough to work up the courage to tell anyone about it, imagine having to pay for it, monetarily instead of just emotionally, spiritually and physically.

Cyndi Lauper would make a better VP.

And then she has the nerve to say that women who don’t support other women go to hell?  Don’t get me started on the ‘Real Women Hunt Moose‘ thing.  Jessica Simpson thought that kind of shit was funny too.  Also, anyone stating what ‘real’ women do, no matter who’s doing it, is offensive.  What if I said ‘real women don’t eat dead animals’?  That would offend a lot of people I know.  Or if I was a narrow minded dick, I could say that transgendered women aren’t real women because they don’t have a uterus.  Oh, but what about those women who have had to have hysterectomies?  They don’t have uteruses, are they not real women?  I know, you’re probably thinking that “real” women are born women, and if you are, kindly fuck off.  I have seen some transgendered women in my day who are more womanly than I will ever be.  I can’t even walk in heels!

But despite all of these terrible things, I could never vote for a party that is pro-war, considering the fact that my husband is the one who has to go fight in that war (and oddly, the only pro-war people I meet are the ones who will not join the military.  Go figure!)  He’s coming home soon and i’d like to keep him here, see.  Cause I love him or some junk, and we have already spent half of our marriage apart, due to deployments or training for deployments.  Occasionally people thank me for my ‘sacrifice’, I don’t want to be thanked.  I just want my husband home with me and safe.  I don’t want a guy who says he’ll keep us in Iraq for 100 years to be in charge of our fate, nor do I want his second in command to be a woman who clearly does not care about women.  Also, for someone who brings up his POW status so much, John McCain does not give a shit about veterans.  Okay, he gives a shit 20% of the time.

I will now go back to being vapid and only talking about food and nerdy stuff.

posted: October 10, 2008
under: family, life, lists, veganmofo

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