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VeganMoFo: Drop Dead Fred

Hello Snotface!  Ron Eldard, who played Elle Fanning’s dad in Super 8, also played Mickey in Drop Dead Fred, the friend from high school.

Meet Lizzie, an emotionally repressed woman who lets her mother control her life and looks like a life-sized American Girl Doll.  She is so used to submitting to other people that she ends up in a relationship with a man who treats her like dirt, leaves her for Bridget Fonda, and all she wants in life is to get him back.  She moves back in with her mother, into her unchanged childhood room, where she discovers the box that housed her childhood imaginary friend, Fred.  She untapes the box and nothing happens.  End of movie.  Just kidding, he pops right out and declares that he will help Lizzie do whatever will make her happy, which she thinks is getting her douchebag boyfriend, Charles, back.  Throughout the movie, we see flashbacks of Fred and miniLizzie battling Mega Bitch, aka Lizzie’s overbearing mother.

Now obviously, because Fred has Lizzie’s best interests at heart, he really doesn’t want her to get back with Charles and ruins every attempt.  Because Lizzie is stupid, she doesn’t take the hint and instead decides to take her mother’s advice and starts taking pills to get rid of Fred and gets back together with Charles.  Although it’s supposed to be a comedy, this movie is psychological as all get out.  To quote the Entertainment Weekly review, “The creature who is visible only to the woman is like a poltergeist energy of her repressed self, a problematic ego container into which her powers of assertion and creativity were poured and stored.”  Is Fred really real, or is he Lizzie’s way of asserting herself?  You’ll have to watch the movie to find out!  The most important thing this movie taught me is that if someone breaks your heart, you should wipe a fresh booger on their face.

 

If this is making you wonder, “What happened to Phoebe Cates?”, she married Kevin Kline, had two kids, and then retired (save one movie in 2001) to raise her kids and do other things.  Or maybe she really hated Princes Caraboo and it soured her on acting for life.

Starring Phoebe Cates (Gremlins, Fast Times at Ridgemont High), Rik Mayall (The Young Ones), Marsha Mason (The Goodbye Girl, The Middle), Tim Matheson (Animal House, Van Wilder, The West Wing), Briget Fonda (Jackie Brown, Single White Female), and Carrie Fisher (um, you know).

Entree:  I’ve come down with a bad case of cornflake (crusted seitan) disease!

Side:  Lizzie declares she is going to make Charles The Most Romantic Salad Ever.  I don’t know what she was putting in it, but I think something called Aphrodisiac Salad works.

Dessert:  No, we are not making pants pie.  If you like coffee and booze, there’s a recipe for Manhattan Mud Pie in Vegan Pie In The Sky, but for something simple that looks like mud, stick with Chocolate Pudding Pie.

posted: September 12, 2013
under: veganmofo

VeganMoFo: Super 8

 

 

We’re using a minor character to connect Secretary to Super 8 – Jessica Tuck, who you probably know best as Nan Flanagan from True Blood.  In Secretary, she’s the woman who comes in and stomps on Edward’s coat and in Super 8, she plays Charles’ mom (you know, the family that has like eight kids).

 

A cookie for whoever can tell me how you can immediately tell this is a J.J. Abrams movie!

It makes sense that one of the only movies i’ve done that has come out in the last five years takes place in 1979.  Kids rarely get to star in action/suspense movies, especially these days, and no, Spy Kids doesn’t count.  This used to be fairly common in the 80′s (Stand By Me, Monster Squad, Goonies, Cloak & Dagger, etc.), and then the Disney channel happened and they decided that child actors belonged with them, forever, we all float down here with Mickey Mouse ears on.  I was going to make a joke about Miley Cyrus but then I remembered what Corey Feldman has been doing this year so I guess once serious child actors can also explode into a big burst of What The Hell too.  Anyway!

Super 8 is about a group of kids who are making a zombie movie, and one night when they’ve all snuck out they witness a horrific train accident when a car purposely stops on the tracks.  They see some odd things, but because they’re kids they’re scared about getting caught sneaking out so they keep this stuff to themselves.  They continue working on the movie as weird things begin to happen around town and the military shows up.  It’s hard to say a lot without giving away the plot of the movie, but you will see many shots of people gawking with their mouths open.  P.S.  Elle Fanning is the cutest zombie and I really thought she was gonna eat that kid for a minute.  Someone get her on The Walking Dead ASAP.

Starring a bunch of kids (who, besides Elle Fanning, don’t have much on their resumes) who are supported by Kyle Chandler (Argo, Friday Night Lights), Ron Eldard (Justified, Sleepers), Noah Emmerich (The Americans, The Truman Show), David Gallagher (7th Heaven, The Vampire Diaries), (Bruce Greenwood (new Star Trek, Double Jeopardy), Glynn Turman (Gremlins, The Wire), Michael Hitchcock (Glee, Best In Show), Joel McKinnon Miller (Big Love, American Horror Story), Richard T. Jones (The Sarah Connor Chronicles, Judging Amy), Dale Dickey (my favorite daytime hooker on My Name Is Earl, True Blood), and you can spot Dan Castellaneta (aka Homer Simpson) as the guy who owns the car lot.  Lots of famous tv actors!

For the menu, let’s set our time machines (please make your own ‘beep bop boop bip beep’ sounds here) to 1979!  Pop open a TAB or some Fresca or mix up some Tang!

Entrée:  I was born in 1980, but I know that in 1979 Hamburger Helper was super popular and I remember eating a lot of it growing up.  I still miss you, Tuna Helper pot pie!  For something vegan and less disgusting, try Tempeh Helper!

Side:  I’m sure your mom wants you to eat something green with your Tempeh Helper, but I just want to eat some Devilish Potatoes.

Dessert:  When I think ‘late 70′s desserts’, I think of various jello salads as far as the eye can see.  Imagine a world with nothing but shrimp jello salads.  Now, you may think that jello salads are gross but I LOVED those things.  Loved loved loved.  I would buy a box of vegan flavored gelatin and fill it up with canned pineapple, Dandies, and all of that good stuff but if you find that horrifying, Susan’s Red, White and Blue Fruit Terrine is less scary.

posted: September 11, 2013
under: veganmofo

VeganMoFo: Secretary

New week, new set of movies!  You can probably guess where this set is going to end, and I encourage you all to give the mighty tater pig a try on what is one of my favorite holidays.  Time for a serious movie!

 

 

Trying to find SFW screencaps for this movie was hard, because it’s more like SEXretary, am I right?  Okay, not really, but this is a movie about a dominant/submissive relationship between a man and his secretary so there is bondage and all of that fun stuff you don’t want to show your kids.

Lee Holloway is possibly the most passive person on the planet, and will do whatever anyone tells her without seeming to care about any of it.  The only thing she does care about is self harm, and they never really explain why she cuts herself (maybe because her family is a mess), because that’s not the focus of the story.  After being hospitalized for a serious cutting injury, she goes to typing school, gets a certificate, and sets out looking for a job.  Spoiler alert, James Spader is going to hire her and he really likes the fact that she’s like a ball of clay who will change anything that he tells her he finds annoying.  One important part of their relationship is that he’s the first person to directly confront her about her self-harm and why she does it, whereas her family just seems to tip toe around it.

I usually don’t notice things like this, but the set designs in Secretary are beautiful.  Edward’s office is very natural, full of woods and natural colors.  Lee’s house is full of plastic, including the furniture, in a variety of pastel and bright colors.

 

I will admit that I find the scenes leading up to the very end (but not quite the end) to be kind of ridiculous and cheesy, but that decision was purposely made to show that BDSM relationships can be a part of a normal couple’s life and doesn’t have to result in a dark movie or an ending.

Starring James Spader (80′s dickweasel, Boston Legal, The Office), Maggie Gyllenhaal (Donnie Darko, The Dark Knight), Jeremy Davies (Lost, Justified), Lesley Ann Warren (Clue, In Plain Sight), and Amy Locane (Cry-Baby, Airheads).

Thinking up a menu for this movie wasn’t even necessary, because Edward has already told us what to eat!  I will be eating a hell of a lot more than a scoop of potatoes and four peas, though.

Entree:  I am in no mood to try to veganize a porterhouse steak (one of those kinds with a huge bone in it), but I think that Seitan Filet Mignon is a fine stand-in.

Side:  When I googled ‘vegan creamed potatoes’, google was all, “Oh, you want mashed potatoes!” God dammit google, there is a DIFFERENCE.  Then I found these creamed potatoes with peas and that covers all of our bases.

Dessert:  As much ice cream as you’d care to eat, of course!  Although you can see that in the photo above there’s a pie on the table, Lee doesn’t mention it while getting permission to eat so we’re sticking with ice cream.  If you don’t have the means or desire to make your own, I am a big fan of the Purely Decadent Cookie Dough.  Frozen pureed bananas are NOT ice cream.  /soapbox

 

 

posted: September 9, 2013
under: veganmofo

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