You wouldn’t like her when she’s angry.

So i’m sure even if you haven’t seen Kill Bill (for some unknown reason like you don’t own a tv and you can’t put dvds in your computer and you never go to a friends house who has a dvd player or you just hate movies), i’m sure you know what it’s about. In a word: revenge. Uma Thurman (aka The Bride) wakes up from a coma after being shot in the head. Everything she had before, gone. So she makes a list, checks it twice, and goes on a revenge killing spree!

I believe this movie (i’m lumping both together as one here) is what some random newspaper quotes would call a “non-stop thrill ride”. The blood and gore are over-the-top ridiculous on purpose, as an homage to 70′s martial arts films. I want to keep gushing but we would be here all night so 1. Check out this list for a refresher on why you should watch Kill Bill rightthehellnow and 2. I can’t believe they left off the Pussy Wagon!

Starring Uma Thurman (Pulp Fiction, Batman & Robin), Lucy Liu (Ally McBeal, Charlie’s Angels), Vivica A. Fox (Set It Off, lots of tv), Daryl Hannah (Blade Runner, Splash), David Carradine (Kung Fu and many, many other things) and Michael Madsen (Resevoir Dogs). P.S. If you like listening to Michael Madsen talk as much as I do, he has done a lot of movies and many of them are available on Netflix, I recommend The Killing Jar.

Entree: This movie is a pretty big Captain Obvious as far as menu selection goes, so it will come as no shock as I present a video on how to make sushi. It’s fun, easy, and makes a great party food! If you’re stuck on the basic veggie roll, here are some fun ideas to try.
Entree 2: Udon Noodles with Sesame Umeboshi Sauce and Tofu, a salty dish for the rock salt that get’s shot into The Bride’s chest.
Dessert: My grandma took me to my first wedding when I was a kid, and they served Red Velvet cake. Ever since then, that’s been stuck in my head as THE wedding cake.

Let’s dance!

Another childhood favorite, Hairspray didn’t just entertain me. It didn’t just teach me about the music, style and dances of the 60′s. It taught me about segregation and racism, more specifically, racism is for crazy assholes. I was a sheltered kid, and Penny’s mom being a paranoid lunatic in a black neighborhood in Baltimore, made little Katie scrunch up her nose and say, “Man, what’s wrong with that woman?” The Von Tussles were the bad guys, and if they supported segregation, clearly it was a bad thing. Also, they didn’t like Tracy and kept making fun of her for being fat. What a bunch of dicks!

Besides the theme of overcoming social injustices, Hairspray is about dancing. All Tracy wants in life is to be on the Corny Collins show, so one night she and her friend Penny sneak off to a dance event where Tracy wins a dance contest and is invited to try out. She gets on, steals the bitchy girl’s boyfriend, becomes a spokesmodel, fights against segregation, and despite some monkey wrenches, come out on top. It would be an underdog story, but Tracy is never really presented as an underdog. The only people who diss her are, like I said, obviously assholes. John Waters managed to take the issues of segregation and racial tension and weave them into a fun storyline, but still treat them seriously.

John Waters is well known for assembling awesome casts. He managed to get a whole slew of musicians in this one: Debbie Harry, Sonny Bono, Ruth Brown, Ric Ocasek, Pia Zadora, Toussaint McCall, and Colleen Fitzpatrick before she morphed in Vitamin C (yes, Amber = Put A Smile On Your Face). Ricki Lake (her talk show, VH1′s Charm School), Jerry Stiller (Seinfeld, King of Queens, fathering Ben Stiller), Mink Stole (every single other John Waters movie), and Divine round out the cast. When I was a kid, I did not know that Divine was a drag queen and apparently I never paid attention to the credits of the movie or that would’ve been incredibly obvious.

Appetizer: Homemade seaweed snacks!
Entree: A hearty macaroni and (cashew) cheese, for the growing teenager in us all.
Side: There are so many Corny jokes that we could make. So, so many. I decided to keep it simple with baked corn on the cob (video link).
Side 2: Gimmie gravy on my mashed potatoes!
Dessert: If you have room and the want to be adventurous, try your hand at making eclairs while wishing your clothing store provided pastries.

And as a bonus, the opening scene complete with the title song, which will be stuck in your head all week. You’re welcome!

When a movie adaptation of Battleship was announced, of course people thought it was ridiculous (see above for the faces I made). Who would base a movie on a board game? Johnathan Lynn and John Landis, that’s who! Clue is basically a movie version of a murder mystery dinner party – complete with the dinner!

One a dark rainy night in 1954, a group of people gather in a mansion, where they are greeted by only a butler, a maid, and a cook. None of them know exactly why they’re there or who invited them. But they’re going to find out, dun dun DUNNNNNN! There is suspense, there is intrigue, there is even the candlestick! And of course, there is murder and no one knows who did it.

Clue features some of the funniest people to have ever walked across the screen, and all of the jokes are done with a deadpan delivery. Madeline Kahn’s “flames on the side of my face” speech was totally improvised. If you yearn for a time when a movie wasn’t carried solely by dick jokes (ahem, 21 Jump Street), this is for you. It’s also only rated PG so even though people drop like flies, it’s kid-friendly murdering!

When you watch the movie, you’re given three different endings. When it was originally shown in theaters, the movie had one of the endings randomly attached so people had to read about the other endings in the newspaper (or find out which theaters had which endings so they could see them all).

Now let’s look at this cast! The cast only consists of about a dozen people (besides the huge amount of extras at the end), and like I said, they’re all incredibly funny people. Tim Curry (Rocky Horror, lots of voice acting), Christopher Lloyd (Back to the Future, Who Framed Roger Rabbit, Taxi), Madeline Kahn (Blazing Saddles, other Mel Brooks movies), Martin Mull (Roseanne and many other t.v. shows), Lesley Ann Warren (In Plain Sight, Secretary) Michael McKean (Spinal Tap, SNL, Laverne and Shirley) and Eileen Brennan (7th Heaven, Jeepers Creepers) make up the main cast. Colleen Camp (most recognizable as Mrs. Vanderhoff in Wayne’s World) plays the booby french maid, Jane Wiedlin (The Go-Go’s) has a cameo as a singing telegram, and Howard Hesseman (Johnny Fever from WKRP) is The Chief. Phew! Onto the menu:

Entree: The movie takes place in New England, and the dinner party starts with soup, so New England “Clam” Chowder is an obvious choice.
Side: In the movie, they eat soup followed by…monkey brains (unseen, thank god). Obviously there’s nothing vegan to approximate that (thank god), so I just went looking for a semi-fancy (no jello involved) 50′s recipe, so of course I went straight to Meet the Shannonsto look through their ‘Betty Goes Vegan’ recipes and came out with this Bacon and Spinach Salad complete with a hard boiled ‘egg’.
Dessert: Death by Chocolate Rum Cake (in the study, with the cake knife).
Cocktail: I don’t drink, but if you do you should pour yourself an old fashioned Highball.