Grandma’s Boy falls into the category of ‘movies I thought sounded incredibly stupid until I watched them’. Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle also falls in that category. A stoner comedy about a video game nerd who lives with his grandma? Produced by Adam Sandler? Appparently I wasn’t the only one who felt this way, since this movie barely made its budget back but then made over 30 million in dvd sales. DVD SALES DO NOT LIE, PEOPLE.

My husband says that Grandma’s Boy has no real point until the last fifteen minutes, and I think that’s accurate: Alex is a a guy floating through life, being an accountant-turned-video-game-tester who likes to smoke pot. And then his roommate gets them evicted, and after accidentally trying to give his friends mom a pearl necklace, he’s forced to move in with his grandma and her two roommates. Potheads + wacky old ladies = hijinks abound! At the same time, a lovely young woman shows up at the video game company where Alex works to help get the current game back on schedule, attracting the attention of the creepy Neo-wannabe game creator.

There are some purposely extreme stereotypes in here: the wacky drug dealer is REALLY wacky and all of his pot has ridiculous names, the virgin who lives with his parents has a CAR BED, and the uber nerd with no social skills is…really, really, nerdy and sometimes talks like a robot.

If you’re still like, “Hmmm, no, i’m not sure I want to watch this.” I present to you, Linda Cardellini doing ‘Push It’. Any serious actor who tries to lick their own boob for the sake of comedy deserves all of the awards.

Featuring a few people who you may sort of recognize from small roles in Adam Sandler films: Jonathan Loughran, Peter Dante, and Allen Covert; plus a few cameos/small parts by comedians David Spade, Kevin Nealon, Rob Schneider, and Nick Swardson. Also starring Linda Cardellini (Freaks and Geeks, ER), Joel David Moore (Bones, Avatar), Shirley Jones (The Partridge Family), Shirley Knight (The Dutchman, As Good As It Gets), Doris Roberts (Everybody Loves Raymond, Remington Steele), and Jonah Hill (Superbad, 21 Jump Street).

Onto the menu! Your first option is to get stoned and raid your grandma’s fridge. Don’t burn your hands when you take everything out of the oven. Or, you can make some snacks:

Salt and Pepper tofu (lost Veganomicon recipe), if you eat it while trying to lick your boob, please send me the video.
Hemp seeds are expensive, so instead of some pricey hippie joke, try this Dill WEED sandwich from, of course, The Vegan Stoner.
I couldn’t find a sprouted enchilada recipe, but of course, there are tofu cakes. Shots of wheat grass, if you want to be sober AND vomit, are optional.
Ice cream sandwiches, hold the lettuce.

Serve everything with a big mug of tea, that you did NOT find in the room where your pothead grandson is staying.

Ain’t no party like a pancake party cause a pancake party don’t stop! Unless you run out of syrup.

For this week’s double feature, we’re taking the literal title of The Breakfast Club and the party that that Buck throws for his niece and nephew and smoosh! Since they’re both 80′s films and semi-family friendly (nudity free and what not), they work well together.

I feel a little ridiculous pretending that you don’t know about The Breakfast Club, or the Brat Pack and who all of those people are. So we’ll talk about Uncle Buck!

Buck is a total slob, slacker, loser, whatever you want to call him. But when his brother’s father-in-law has a heart attack, he has to drop everything to take care of his nieces and nephew for awhile. Unfortunately, his teenage niece is a total moody hosebeast who dates a guy named Bug. Fortunately, Buck is the kind of guy who carries a hatchet around in his car and doesn’t take guff from any damn teenagers. They grow, they learn, they bowl, Buck punches a clown in the face…it’s a warm and fuzzy family movie in the end.

Starring John Candy (Spaceballs, SCTV), Garrett M. Brown (Big Love, Roswell), Laurie Metcalf (Roseanne, Big Bang Theory), and tiny babies Gaby Hoffman (Now and Then, 200 Cigarettes) and Macaulay Culkin (Party Monster, Saved!, some movie you’ve probably never heard of called Home Alone).

Entree: In an attempt to be a little morre creative than suggesting simple pancakes, I give you a crepe cake!
Side one: “You should see the (avocado) toast, I couldn’t even get it through the door.”
Side two: For Buck’s cigars, or for those potheads in the library, Smoky Maple Sausages.
Dessert…ish: Obviously with a crepe cake you don’t really need a dessert, and this menu is kind of lacking in vegetables, so a green smoothie seems like a good idea.

Artists rendering of my typical Friday nights.

Mermaids is probably written off by most people as just a chick movie, and if you’re one of those people you’re missing out on a really funny movie. Although there are some tears, and a few moments where vaginas all hug each other, Mermaids is way more comedy than dramz. Our narrator, Charlotte, tells the story of her ‘free-spirited’ mother (Mrs. Flax) who moves them every time she breaks up with a boyfriend, never serves anything that isn’t a finger food, and dresses like a teenager. Naturally, Charlotte rebels by aspiring to be a nun and being so uptight, she could swallow coal and crap out a diamond. Her little sister, Kate, takes all of this much more in stride and seems to largely ignore the clashes between her mom and her sister. Of course, Charlotte falls in love with Jake Ryan and this really conflicts with her desire to be the polar opposite of her mother. Meanwhile, Mrs. Flax catches the eye of a local shoe salesman who is way more into her than she ever lets herself be into anyone. And Kate holds her breath a lot. For a brief while, everything seems to be going well, which can only mean things are going to get fucked up, and HOW.

While Mrs. Flax is presented as a cool, hip lady it doesn’t take much reading between the lines to see that she’s actually a big coward who runs from her problems and truly growing up. Charlotte is a total spaz and her inner monologue of telling herself to shut up while she word vomits to Jake Ryan about nuns taking showers is something I can relate to. In the end, the two manage to rub off on one another, and the movie ends with them dancing and singing Jimmy Soul. Awwwww, vaginas.

This movie also produced one of the few covers that I think blows every other version out of the water (sorry, Aretha).

Starring Cher (Mask, Witches of Eastwick), Winona Ryder (Heathers, Reality Bites, all of those Tim Burton movies),Bob Hoskins (Who Framed Roger Rabbit, Hook), Michael Schoeffling (Sixteen Candles), and itty bitty Christina Ricci (Addams Family, Pecker, The Opposite of Sex, on and on) in her film debut!

Entree: Get yourself some star-shaped cookie cutters and make some unmanly sandwiches! Charlotte just makes boring meat-cheese-mustard sandwiches which you could easily recreate with tofurkey slices and vegan sliced cheese, or you could make some fancy-ass Cucumber Avocado Tea Sandwiches.
Side: Remind Charlotte that she’s Jewish with these latkes, that can be finger foods. Also they have FLAX seeds in them lol/puns/I am hilarious. Alternately/also, you can make swedish meatballs.
Dessert: Usually I try to keep specific products out of my dinners with movies, but I think we can all agree that it’s marshmallow kabobs or GTFO. Get yourself some Dandies or Sweet and Sara marshmallows, a box of Dots, maraschino cherries, and if my eyes are telling me right, some cut up vegan candy bars (like Go Max Go) and some spearable cookies and put them all on kabob sticks. Then say “Ugh, I am going to die.” And then eat them anyway.

Bonus: I found an awesome Pinterest board that’s all vegan appetizers!